THOUGHTS

SO YESTERDAY I GOT SOME SAD NEWS. I MISCARRIED I WAS JUST ABOUT 8 WEEKS. MOST OF YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT. I FOUND OUT ON SEPT 18 AND TO BE HONEST I WAS QUITE SHOCKED. I JUST WENT OFF BIRTH CONTROL IN JULY SO I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN SO FAST. ANYWAY I ONLY TOLD A FEW PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THIS REASON. WELL ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO I WAS HAVING PAIN AND SPOTTING A BIT. WELL WHEN I WENT TO THE DOCTORS EVERYTHING WAS OK BUT THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I COULD MISCARRY. WELL LAST WEEK ON THURSDAY I WOKE UP WITH CRAMPING AND BLEEDING. THE WHOLE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY SICK AND WEAK AND COULDN'T EAT. WELL YESTERDAY WHEN I WNET TO THE DOCTOR THEY COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING. HONESTLY I WAS REALLY NOT SUPRISED. I KNEW AS I WAS LYING THERE GETTING MY ULTRASOUND THEY WERENT' GOING TO FIND ANYTHING.
I KEPT MY COMPOSURE WHILE I WAS IN THE DOCTORS ROOM BUT AS SOON AS WE GOT ONTO THE ELEVATOR I JUST STARTED CRYING. I HAD FINALLY GOT USED TO THE IDEA THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY. I ADMIT WHENI FIRST FOUND OUT I WAS SHOCKED AND A LITTLE SCARED. I HAD FINALLY ACCEPTED IT AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. DAN WAS ALSO VERY SAD. HE HAD BEEN EXCITED FRM THE MINUTE I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT.
SO THIS WEEKEND HASN'T BEEN THE BEST. I HAVE HAD A LOT OF CONFUSIG THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH MY MIND. MANY BURSTS OF CRYING AND I HAVE BEENR EALLY ANGRY. I ALSO FEEL SOME GUILT BECAUSE I WASN'T VERY EXCITED TO BE PREGNANT AT FIRST.
SO NOW HONESTLY I AM SCARED TO TRY AGIAN. I KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENS A LOT BUT HONESTLY THAT DOESN'T HLEP ME FEEL BETTER. SO PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TO HELP WITH ALL THESE FEELINGS. AND THAT I WON'T BE AFRAID TO TRY AGAIN.